There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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