i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
