that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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