no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
