I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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