Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Randomize
