i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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