I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
