ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
