By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
