it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
