Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
