I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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