I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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