I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
