im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
