Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
