i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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