But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
