im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
