how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
