you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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