Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
