...so i touched it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
