shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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