He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
