you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
whose parrot is this?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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