I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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