I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
