I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
