glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
