i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
