You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
