How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
