I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
