babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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