My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
