3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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