Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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