you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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