Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
