thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
