Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
