Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
