I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
