mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
