if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
