Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
