hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
