That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i think my cat just said my name.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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