How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
