mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
