Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's like iHOP with fire
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
