I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
