WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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